Tomorrow is Sunday. A day that will once again take on that familiar weight that Sundays can have. For the last 4 months I’ve been on maternity leave getting to know this new person in our lives, healing my body and becoming a mother. She has changed so much since we first met in September, I’m already reminiscing about what holding an 8 lb newborn felt like and trying to lock it in my synapses. Every day it seems a new piece of her personality presents itself and we fall in love a little more. She tends to be serious, knows what she wants, and when she presents you with a smile, its life-changing. She’s been a jolt of loving energy in our families and I feel our firm place on this new branch in our family tree. The word family has been redefined in so many ways. In all likelihood this will be our only baby so I’ve spent the last few days packing up all the teeny clothes she’s outgrown and not-so-teeny maternity clothes that have outgrown me.
I had high hopes of being super productive and getting crazy-organized with 4 months ‘off’ (ha!). Of course that didn’t really happen, but I did ok. I managed to make a few blog entries here, road-tripped to SoCal to visit family, figured out a system to keep my photos organized and shared, completed a few little home projects, roped my mom into sewing some necessities (see gnome hats and drool bibs below), and did a lot of work on design plans for Honey Agency’s new office (eek!). There are still cabinets to be organized, paperwork to be filed and lots more to photograph and share here but I’ll get to it.
I’ve always had this fear of losing my sense of self over to motherhood. I’ve never wanted to be the mom who makes her child the excuse for why certain goals aren’t met, or vacations aren’t taken, or friends aren’t seen. Now that I’m living the reality of it, I get it. The smallest of things can be so hard to accomplish and you’ve heard them all from new moms (writing an email, making dinner, taking a shower). Babies are on their own program and there’s only so much you can reasonably ask them to do. But its not impossible, and every mom will prioritize things differently. For my own health and sanity I need alone time, I need friend time, and I need to work out. Having a fantastic husband (he does everything but lactate), parents who now live up the street (they’re all in) and co-owning my business (I have some flexibility) makes me a very lucky woman. But its still very hard to figure out that balance (ugh, that word) between motherhood, work, and personal needs. How does one slice up a day to still be a good wife and mother, not let down my team and keep myself sane? I visualize this looming pie chart in my head as I slowly add things back into my daily life. Its been 90% ‘Mom” for the past few months and that can no longer be. I realize this will be a constant shuffle, as one thing gets too weighty others will start falling apart and letting me know.
But I don’t ever want to let my family down (look at that face).
Looking forward to:
A schedule. Loose days with no required appointments in my calendar make me lazy. Having a baby who isn’t getting my iCal invites is going to make this difficult but I’ll do my best. Having good systems in place and spending time planning for the week ahead is going to be critical. Still working on getting CeCe a loose daily plan of her own, but she’s been sleeping through the night for awhile (knock, knock) which is the biggie.
Strong body. Thanks to said schedule above (and a new year!), I have renewed determination to get workouts and healthy eating back in my life. I kept up my modified bootcamp classes until about 37 weeks but now I feel like a deflated, stretched-out balloon. I’m still struggling with some postpartum arthritic pain in my joints that I’m hoping will clear up with time and strength training.
Get my smarts back. I definitely feel like a chunk of my brain cells have been hibernating since mid-pregnancy. So much is demanded of a woman physically to create and grow a baby that I think the brain just gets out of the way. I constantly find myself looking for lost words and have used wordnik.com to write this post more then I care to admit. I think the hamster wheel just needs a little grease and it will start working again (right!?).
Getting out of the burbs. I love our house but man, I’m tired of suburbia. We aren’t that far but not that close either and its hard to jump in the car and head downtown without a good reason. Our new office will be in the heart of midtown and walkable to many of the restaurants, shops and goings on in Sacramento, some of them right downstairs. Can’t wait for that.
Pumping. If you know, you know. Breast pumps suck, literally and figuratively. I hate managing and cleaning all of the parts and I haven’t even had to leave the house with it yet. I’ve pumped fairly regularly since she was born but fingers crossed my supply doesn’t change drastically.
Being distracted. There is always some small or large fire going in a creative agency that needs attention. When things come up I need to triage and remind myself that when I’m with the baby, I need to be with her as much as possible.
Getting it all done. The eternal quest– I know this one is crap and won’t ever happen but I still have to try.
So my time of living in a Baby Bubble is ready to pop. She will be in good hands so that is one less thing to worry about. Teeps (again, best dad ever) will be home with her Mondays and Fridays for a few months, I will work from home a couple days and my mom will have her one. I know everything will be ok, I’ll just do my best.